I remember the screening interview for our posting to Belgium. The social worker rifled off a bunch of questions about the challenges and potential issues with OUTCAN. I was confident, (and if I’m perfectly honest, maybe a bit cocky) and I tried to reassure her of all of the reasons that we were fully aware and fully prepared for this posting. I remember specifically her questions about the weather. I remember talking about our time in Comox and the fact that my husband is from the West coast. I remember thinking it was a non-issue.
Now, fast forward 2.5 years and here we are - smack dab in the middle of our third Belgian winter with all of its rainy glory, dark days, and lack of sunshine. And you know what? It is hard. She was right.
We are all feeling it in our house in some way, this year more than ever. I have to say that my son is managing the best and I’ve started to see why. He has some built-in skills that have made him able to thrive in this weather. Here is what I’ve learned from watching my five-year-old thrive this winter.
1) Sun is not needed to have fun. Whether it is pouring rain, or it’s a slippery morning with black ice, my son approaches each day and all-weather with the same enthusiasm. Rain is great for splashing, black ice makes an excellent skating rink on the way to school, sunshine makes great shadows, but fog makes the whole world mysterious. My goal is to try and approach my days as he does; without disappointment for things beyond my control and with simple joy.
2) Embrace the darkness. While most people are commiserating on the lack of sunshine, my son is relishing the lack of light because it makes shadow puppets and flashlights so much more fun. I am trying to follow his lead and enjoy the way the house looks with a fire or candles lit. Those don’t have nearly the same effect in the daylight.
3) Get creative. In the summer, we spend most of our time outdoors. This winter I’ve watched him make and create more than we ever would in the summer. He has begun building imaginative Lego machines and he’s an avid fort-builder. Being inside has allowed him this time to create. I need to do the same. I need to dust off the paints, or finally learn to knit. It doesn’t matter what it is or how good it is, as long as I’m creating something … that’s the magical part.
4) Adopt the pace of nature. COVID has forced us to slow down in different ways. I mourn the loss of endless weekend plans but don’t miss the weeknight frenzy of work, dinner and swimming lessons. I think I will try to see this time as having a naturally slower pace, like hibernation. Winter is a season with less running and climbing than in the summer even without a worldwide pandemic. Soon the sun will return and I can hope for changes when that happens, but for now, there are more books, puzzles, and family movie nights. Busier wasn’t always better, I need to remember this.
5) Ask for what you need. I’ve begun to notice that my son is asking for more lately. He wants more hugs, longer goodbyes at school drop off, and endless bedtime cuddles. In the moment, this can be frustrating, but when I think about what he’s doing, it’s a good thing. He’s feeling “needier” than other times and he’s asking for what he needs. He needs more time, more comfort, and more connection. When I think about how gloomy most adults feel this winter, I’m struck by the simplicity of this one. We need more time, more comfort, and more connection too. I’m sure it will be frowned upon for me to solicit hugs at this point in time, but I can seek connection in other ways; I can reach out, I can follow-up, I can be honest when someone asks me “how are you doing?”, I can register for every virtual event offered even if I’m certain I won’t like it. Because a five-year-old would never miss an opportunity to get their needs met, and neither should I.
- Laura Jamont
SHAPE, Casteau